Ep 325: The Mommies have become MOMMIES!

The Main Mommy is back! Tina doesn't let a little thing like delivering a baby hold her back. She's in the Dome and talking about what's important: Farts, Big Words, Graphic Sex and Steven Seagal. Sometimes all together.

This episode has everything including intel about a certain Super Bowl winning coach. You won't believe what we saw him do.

Jeans up forever!

@tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 324: The Return of Yoshi!

This is our final gift to you in the year 2015, a visit from beloved guest, world prostitute chaser and medical lab rat, YOSHI!

As always, no written word can prepare or describe what Yoshi bring to the table. Put in your ear buds, crank the volume and enjoy this one.

Thanks for a great 2015, MOMMIES!

@tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 321: Happy Chanukah Jeans!

What a Jeanstastic episode! The FedEx controversy RAGES on! Tommy has some damning evidence that may turn Christina's pronunciation on it's head. Um, do we have an exclusive interview with Throatzilla aka Orally Gifted? Yes, yes jeans we do! Also important Steven Segal update. Fill her up and seal her shut! What a BIG DAY!

@tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 320: Double O Denim and FedEx!

Bond, Jeans Bond is the name or perhaps you're more familiar with Double 0 Denim as I'm known inside these walls. The mommies have a spectacular bonus clip of the new Bond movie and you are sure to love it.

Plus is a white boy claiming to be a crip the real deal or is he frontin in a red hat?

We have the Farsi voicemails translated, the lamest dude ever in porn and a call from Tommy's Uncle Bill

You got that sauce, mane?

@tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 319: Happy Hatesgiving Everyone!

Happy HatesGiving, MOMMY! As is tradition on this show we'll do our best to offend you for the holiday!

Do you have an incurable neurological disorder? Is English not your first language? Do you not look like us? Do you live somewhere that isn't Los Angeles? Hopefully we hit you below the belt!

The Persian Lady who has left Tina countless messages about the desert and sharia laws has, you guessed it, left MORE messages. What the hell is she saying in Farsi?!?

We encourage you to EAT WHAT YOU WANT for Thanksgiving. Is turkey not your thing? Push back against the man and get a steak or a hot dog - whatever you desire, Mommy.

PLUS we have audio of TINA SNORING (LOUDLY), a crazy escort talks about her "job" AND a HUGE announcement that involves Tommy and one of the greatest rappers of ALL TIME.

 

@tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 318: Cool Sweater, Jeans!

Yo Chuck! Yo, You got AIDS, YO! Aw, Damn, kid. Hope you got your Jimmy Hat.

Tommy's done with the road for 2015, but he brought Guess My Brown home from the Big City! Will Tina guess correctly?

Bunz has an idea for a new business to help support our growing family. If you need a nail trimming, please don't cut them! We're coming over.

Plus fashion has never been Tommy's strong suit and he's apparently really owning that now. Jeans has something to say about Bunzies new apparel.

And she rocked your world with last weeks Yellow/Brown/Yellow revelation. This week, Tina has a NEW insight into how browns and yellows sometimes mix.

 

@tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 317: Get Your Entire Life!

Christina guesses Tom's brown! And a surprise game! Dunkin' Doughnuts vs Krispy Kreme. What side are the mommies on? Rachel Dolezal and Tamar Braxton. Tina has new voicemails and texts on her phone. The joys of a new phone number. If you borrow $20 from Linda, you'd better pay her back ASAP! Is Shaq hanging with Chuck Woolery? The most annoying girl in social media and more! Enjoy mommies. @tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 316: Don't Bring Anybody's Mother into this...

Are you mad at your Mommy? Well, let her know! DJ Dad Mouth is working on his mad beatz and skillz. Is there really a lady out there wanting to lick Tom's b-hole?  Turns out yes, yes there is. Christina is being challenged on her inventing the term "POS". Can she explain her way out of this one? Also, Mommy C raises a question that brings her to tears. Would You Rathers! Tom gives his insight into the new Matt Damon film.

@tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 315: Wall to Wall Denim

If you’re feeling hungry we have just the thing for you - a very special PICNIC. Make sure you bring your appetite because this is the kind of picnic that lets you keep on eating!

 Did Christina come up with an expression that is very popular in our vernacular or has it been around for more than a decade? It’s time to break it down. Plus Tommy has seen Christina flirt for long enough with the mailman and the Whole Farts check out boy. Could he be getting to know a super market girl as more than a friend??!?!?

 Diego AKA Thursday Lane set the podcast world on fire, but some people are saying “Too Much!” What will YOU say when he marries a fart?

 Guess My Brown debuts and an NFL players has something to say about the Cincinnati Fart , you know what I’m saying?

@tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 314: Beautiful Guppies the Return of Diego!

When you smell those jeans is when I feel the strongest. Those and of course grey sweatpants. We missed you and this episode is almost a day late, but we promise that it's worth it. Of course there's porn being played in various California Target stores, but of course the Mommies have a good plan on how this rascal can up his game.

Plus more fun sex audio and rap songs that are simply delightful.

But we know why you're here this week and quite simply, yes, we have Diego AKA Thursday Lane and people are eager to help him smell man butt for hours and hours. It's all in these Jeans.

Fart Venn Diagram courtesy of @matthew_pearn

@tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 313: When Jeans Become Dreams

Jeans Up! We got it all on this one and there's no way you are ready. Dumb hooker math? Yup! Greezy Chuck? Mm-HMM! Seagal nonsense? You know it! What about something that might blow all of our minds and even some of our butts?

What about a gas man who really wants it, puts it out there and even TALKS to us about it?

Well, just press play because no description can do this episode justice.

@tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 312: Ultimate Maximum Jeanage

Tommy trimmed his beard and in doing so lost 40 pounds! Was it all hair or does he have an incurable disease? He thinks he knows and Tina doesn't agree!

If you sweat at night you may want to get some blood work done today.

Nothing seems quite as ridiculous as a sports fan losing his mind - especially if it's not in YOUR sport. Luckily, we have one of those guys and he has a wonderful accent. We are masters of accents on this show and will prove it.

We ALL know about King A** Ripper and his glorious skills - is someone ready to take the throne from him?!?! It appears that a PRINCE is near!

Plus we finally put Peter Caine to rest and we top if off with an OMG Maria call for the AGES! Do NOT Kiss her P***y!

@tomsegura @christinap

 

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Ep 311: Dads Know How to Party, Too!

f you feel something in your shorts and it feels like you should go to the bathroom, you probably should. Thankfully, we have audio of someone who didn't.

What about a Dad Jokes Only tour? Would you get tickets? Huh? C'mon, buddy! Multiple choice!! OKAY!!!

Should a wipe ALWAYS be clean? We debate as ONE OF US believes that a little something on there is fine. I mean, why use paper AT ALL?!?

Dental update: If you're old, be old. Teeth included. Veneers make you look INSANE.

Plus a Peter Caine update - he isn't happy with any of us. Is it because we don't own a Raven?

Real Dads ONLY poster courtesy of  on Twitter. Thank you!

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Ep 309: The Postman's Sexy Legs

Have you ever just done it in a parking lot on the pavement? Were you drunk? We are still Poly and Bi and loving it! Will Tom appreciate Christina's farts this week? The Cincy fart lives on. Tom insists that Christina is flirting with both their postman and a local Whole Foods Employee. A very sad dental update. Lots of mommy mail and a call from Top Dog!! Is it heaven on earth? No, it's just  Your Mom's House!@tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 308: 2 Thumbs Way UP!

Do you jerk your meats in public? Only if you work late night at a gas station. But don't do it if you are surrounded by glass. John Cranley update - when will he listen to our demands for a Cincinnati fart memorial?? Steven Segal revelations, intense fart conversations and football. Have you implemented a thumbs up system in your house yet? I hope so!

@tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 307: The Cincinnati Fart, 1 or 2 Thumbs Up?

Oh Jeans, Jeans, Jeans - that's not an echo - don't worry, we fixed that! SORRY Sorry sorry.

We have a new system in place for bodily noises and acknowledging them - one thumb up top and two for down below. Please join and use our system in your lives.

A few weeks back Christina broke down barriers with what has been given the name, The Cincinnati Fart. Please help immortilize her accomplishment by petitioning the Queen City to memorialize this feat. Info on how in the episode.

We know a lot of people Style Suck us, but what a certain morning radio recently did just let us know that the Mom's are the talk of the town, Na mean?

Lots of good audio in this one. (YEAH!)

@tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 305: NLDA - No Loose Denim Allowed

Have you ever wanted a man goo shampoo? Well now you can hear what that sounds like! DJ Poly-Bi scratches some cool new jams. The jeans discuss car farts, a new movie pitch, relatives sending naked baby pics and tragic news about King Ass Ripper - WARNING - this will make your jeans low and loose.

It's ALL HERE! Pull em up! Here we go.

@tomsegura @christinap

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Ep 304: Jeans Return!

JEANS ARE ON AGAIN!

What's better than a news lady screaming cause of an animal bumping her over? Listening to it on a loop of course!

Tommy had a blast in Seattle thanks to Mom's like you. Plus we have a new favorite song, know what I'm sayin? Hell to the naw naw naw.

A new movie idea just came to T Bunz, Will ChristJeansa like it? Hope So!

The moms really meow down on this one, ENJOY!

denim101

@tomsegura @christinap

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Classic Jeans 152 Plus Bonus MOMtreal Ep 303 - Le Jeans!

Oh Meowmy, we got sidetracked by life this week, but we still wear them high for you. 

In this episode you get to wear your classic jeans and find the origins of Foreign Accent Syndrome. Have you heard your voice? It doesn't sound the way it used to.

PLUS we include the LIVE from MOMTREAL YMH at the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival with a BANGIN audience.

We talk about the great (angry) dog trainer, Peter Caine, French curse words, Top Dog's REAL murder story and Christina's dad and how good he must be at lovin the ladies. 

There's a FILL HER UP, Would You Rather and MORE! 

@tomsegura @christinap

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